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Glutton for Punishment

I have really done it this time, y’all. I have embraced the “do-it-all” mentality to the point of lunacy.

Am I the only one who gets a little prideful when people get a glimpse into my life and they gush about how they just don’t know how I do all the things I do? I’m beginning to think this is our perpetual national illness as parents.

If you’ve read this column for long, you know that I occasionally lose my mind and run a 200 mile relay race with 11 friends. This is for sure a crazy thing to do — 30ish hours of living in a stinky van and very little sleep while running ridiculous mileages. I did that again over the weekend.

This was my fifth such race, and while I have always enjoyed these events, this time I got a little cocky and did it without proper training. Ok, without any training. It was quite humbling. I was the captain of our team, so I organized and encouraged all of our runners while being the absolute slowest and worst runner on the team. I survived (barely) and got home on Saturday afternoon with sore legs (well, sore everything) and not enough sleep.

Hubby and I had a power nap and then rallied to clean up (after living in a van, running and no showers) so that we could attend a wedding Saturday night. It was beautiful and we had a great time, but we had to prop our eyes open with the hors d’oeuvre toothpicks. We came home at 10:30 to prep for having my entire family over on Sunday to celebrate Lu’s baptism after church.

I made it to bed before midnight, then up-and-at-‘em again Sunday morning. Hurry to get everyone ready, save seats for the whole family, Lu’s baptism, rush home, cook, serve the meal, clean up, bid everyone farewell.

Sunday afternoons are when I get out the calendar for the week ahead and get my head in the game for another busy week. I pulled out the planner (yes, I am a relic — I still use a paper calendar) and realized that softball season starts this week! Both Lu and Bug are playing (different teams), so we have four games and two practices per week.

Lu has a Girl Scouts meeting and a birthday party and all three kids have gymnastics. I have a salon schedule full of clients and hours of writing to do. Hubby has a huge work project to prepare for, and oh yeah, we still need to feed our kids, do homework and possibly catch up on sleep (LOLOLOL).

All this after I realize that I have to get back to a running regimen so that I can be prepared for my next race, which I CANNOT run without training.

This. Is. Madness.

Was it you 80s and 90s moms who started this whole “Women can have it all!’ nonsense? Yes, I have it all — hobbies, career, marriage, children — and I’m tired. And the strange thing is, I have two jobs I love, a happy marriage, and great kids. All the “it” I have? Super good.

But I’m tired.

Are you other moms out there feeling this? Because I don’t think anyone says it out loud. We just feel really excited when someone commends us on it, so we keep going. And when it’s “it” is all good, but it’s hard, we feel guilty for being overwhelmed.

I know this falls in the first world problems category, but I need about 50 naps.

I have an idea, have-it-all moms — let’s have less. Let’s take some of the busy-ness out of the picture and add back just a tiny bit of boredom. Maybe a lazy afternoon once a week, or a no-plans Saturday?

During the race over the weekend, I noticed one team’s slogan was “Sleep When We’re Dead.” I think the next time I do this race (y’all please remind me to do it when there’s nothing else going on), my team will be called “Sleep or Be Dead.”

Overheard at the salon: “I can’t find one place in the Bible where it says you can’t threaten to ship your kids to China so they won’t be entitled brats.”